Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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