Just cropdusted the office
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
the liver wants what the liver wants
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
