I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
