Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
