Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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