Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
this boner is exhausting
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
