I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
