I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
