Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
