if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
