my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
