We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
