So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
