Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
