Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
this just has baby written all over it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
