sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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