We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
