i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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