I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
