Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
