Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i've created a new STD.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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