Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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