you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
