i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize