Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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