for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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