nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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