I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
