Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
