You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
