my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
