Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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