even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize