Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
