I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
