Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
