either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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