woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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