Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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