your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
