Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
