It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
