I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
