Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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