Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just found puke in my bra..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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