my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just had sex bonerless
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
