Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
