There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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