I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
