He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
