Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm at about main and main street
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have fence marks all over my body
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
