...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
