At least make sure they are 18
Why
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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