I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize