Your mouth is God's brothel.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Holy sore nipples Batman
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
