I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i now understand why vodka
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
