Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
