Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
