a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
