i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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