I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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