I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
