I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
