So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
