we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
