Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
