fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
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