K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
